Automobiles, lorries, buses and other modes of road transport, are those that we see on our roads on a day-by-day basis, well at least the majority of us do. Now have you ever wondered what they could be used for instead of just being driven around and also being blasted apart by metal music on the CD player? Well we have the solution. What if the various modes of road transport were actually representing Heavy Metal genres? Sounds bizarre doesn't it? Well with each vehicle we have rated it out of 10 under our own 'Horn Rating' scale which grades the vehicle based on it's level of Metalhead attitude and is as follows (don't take the grading seriously, unless stated):
0-2 - Poseur
3-4 - Gentle Headbang
5-6 - Crowdsurf
7-8 - Moshpit
9-10 - Wall of Death
N.B. Not all the songs relate to the genre aforementioned as it became too complicated in picking a song with the greatest level of aptness in correlation to the vehicle in hand.
We also did not include any lorries or motorbikes simply because we could not think of any that would befit the metal music genres; if you do have any ideas we can add then feel free to suggest them.
AVANT GARDE METAL
Vehicle: Ariel Atom
Horn (\m/) Rating: 6/10
It seems that Formula 1 has just became road-legal (discounting the Monaco and Singapore race tracks per se)? Welcoming into the limelight is the Ariel Atom, this is a card that is produced at a rate of 100 per year and therefore is another made-by-hand car. With an acceleration rate of 0 to 60 mph (97 km/h) in 2.89 seconds, it is the 3rd fastest car in terms of 0-60 mph acceleration. Furthermore it is one vehicle that really stands out as an experiment, especially with the knowledge that it was first built at Coventry University and then ended up having a unique exoskeleton body fitted to it. Coincidentally Avant Garde relates to experimenting, however the song of choice comes from the Melodic Death Metal style. Scar Symmetry's 'Deviate From The Form' would best work here as Ariel deviated from the basic car shape form and characteristics.
Vehicle: Nissan 350Z 2-door
Horn (\m/) Rating: 4/10
Death Metal is uniquely represented in the automobile world, because the Nissan 350Z 2-door has over the years been causing havoc in the USA, mainly due to the fact it is a major contributor to car death-related accidents. Here we quote that "143 deaths per million registrations were Nissan 350Z drivers. So how befitting is it that this car should represent the Death Metal music genre, regardless of it speaking for itself. Now as for the song of choice that would be played to represent this vehicle, it would have to be 'The Final Front' by Hail of Bullets because of the negativity surrounding this metallic four-wheeled coffin. Moreover it could be argued this model was a nail in the coffin for Nissan, it doesn't even look remotely good-looking.
Vehicle: Land Rover Defender
Horn (\m/) Rating: 4/10
Can you classify mud as a form of sludge or not? Of course you can, therefore representing Sludge Metal is the Land Rover Defender, highly recognizable as a favorite off-road vehicle amongst the farming communities due to it's brilliance at dealing with off-road conditions and the amount of times it is driven around with mud splattered along the sides (almost nostalgic for those Emmerdale fans). As for the song, we feel that the song to represent this countryside monster would have to be any song by Milking The Goatmachine, purely because of the evident farm-pun within the band name. Oh hell, go on and milk that goat till it runs dry fellow metalheads and prep yourself to perform 'Heavy Metal Farmer' at the same time. But why the low score? Well it does not pass itself off as anything remotely wicked looking.
SPEED METAL & POWER METAL
Vehicle: Koenigsegg One:1
Horn (\m/) Rating: 10/10
As luxury generally comes in pairs usually (money and the status symbol pair per se), Speed Metal and Power Metal would best suit the new Koenigsegg One:1 which was unveiled this year at the Geneva Motor Show in Switzerland. With a top speed of 273 mph (which is faster than a Bugatti Veyron) and harboring a 5.0 liter twin-turbo V8 engine delivering 1140bhp, you would not want to blink twice at this monster unless you want to evidently miss it. The power and speed are certainly there and so this is one aspect that proves itself as worthy of being represented this way in the metal music world. As for the song, we have decided to pick one of Sweden's notable exports Sonic Syndicate, their song "Beauty & The Beast" would go well with this car as it has beauty and sounds like a beast. Oh and they are made by hand....
By Dark Theory's drummer Sam Field.
One of the most daunting parts of any musicians life is thinking to themselves “what to buy”. The multitude of gear available means that people often don’t know what to choose, or they don’t even know that certain products exist! This weekly Gear review will be my top picks for Guitar / Bass and Drums, to find the best products and to fit specifics, this week;
TOP QUALITY PROFESSIONAL GEAR
Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster HSH - £1739
Guitars need to be loud, and they need to grab the attention of whoever is playing it, whether it’s a dirty distorted sound for some Black Metal, or the higher clean solo squealer found in mainstream metal you want, you can’t go wrong with a good Fender, that’s pretty common knowledge. This guitar is the Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster HSH.
This guitar can cover a whole range of sounds, if you want to play some classic Hendrix or Roses numbers, it can do it, if you want to play some Modern stuff, like Sevenfold or System, it can do it, amazingly versatile, the pickups are completely noiseless, it’s got S-1 switching and an LSR rolling nut, for the actual guitar’s sound, i give it 5/5.
As you would expect from Fender, the build quality is superb, featuring a maple neck, rosewood fretboard, Alder solid body, and a good quality 3 ply black pickguard with this model having a beautiful satin finish, under stage lighting it stands out, with the hardware glistening like diamond, i was actually surprised by how well the hardware just reflected the lighting, making the whole thing so much more beautiful. Sturdy, well built, and able to take being thrown around on stage (When i saw it being used, the guy was going mental, jumping all over the place, throwing it around his neck, dominating the stage). another 5/5
Now then, as with everything the part everyone dreads, the cost, Guitars aren’t cheap, especially not something as high end as this beauty, with the RRP being £1739, this guitar certainly isn’t a christmas present for an annoying sibling, this is a serious guitar, and it means business, if you’re touring on a county or country scale, or even globally, then this guitar is probably better suited for you, however for the smaller local band, this is something that you’ll be saving for some time for, however, it is less that it’s competitors guitars of equal quality, for the quality to price ratio, i’ve seen guitars of worse go for nearer the 3K mark, although it’s dear, it’s not extortionate. 4/5
Reliable, Beautiful, Professional, these three words i think best sum it up, if you’re going from local to the further stages, this is the guitar for you, if you want to be the envy of your local scene, this is the guitar for you, if you happen to find Donald Trump’s wallet, this is the guitar for you, One of the finest guitars i’ve heard and seen for a few years, and although the price tag is more than the multiplied IQ of a Post-Hardcore band, it is well worth the buy, all in all, i would give it a 4.5 out of 5, let down purely by the price tag.
DW Finish Ply - Red Twisted Lava finish - £3751
Drum Workshop, AKA DW is a household name for every drummer, their kits are both beautiful in their looks and their sound, the top dogs in the drum world, they know what they’re doing, and this impressive example just re-enforces that, This is from DW’s Finish Ply range, in a red twisted lava finish.
DW are famous for the sound of their drums, and this kit is no exception to the rule, the model i was lucky enough to be able to play was a maple / mahogany cross, and my lord it was wonderful! It had the ring of a vintage kit, and with a very quick quarter turn of each lug i could take it to deep and destructive, with the toms flowing into each other perfectly and the bass drum having an earthshaking boom, if i tuned them back up by a half turn i had a very modern and lively jazzy or poppy kit, perfect for Rock and the softer metals, this truly is versatile, the resonance was perfect, it rang for a good five seconds on the toms and a quick fat punch from the bass drum. Overall, 5/5 for sound.
The build quality of these drums is unlike anything i’ve ever seen, the shells had such a strong and rigid feel to them, with the hardware being exceptionally heavy duty, it felt like this thing would deflect a tank blast, i was quite amazed, the hardware itself never failed, the locks stayed where they should be, the bass drum spurs didn’t slip, and the drums didn’t untune at all, and i was playing it for almost an hour. This is helped by the Beautiful finish, the finish is a Red Lava finish that has been twisted, and there is no evident joints, everything lines up perfectly, and they have applied a clear lacquer over the top to provide that extra strength. 5/5
DW are famous for their drums, but infamous for their pricing, there are people who feel the drums aren’t worth their price tag, setting you back nearly 4K these thoughts are well founded, however, they are justified, if you want a kit that will last the rest of your life, and will always be the best kit, wherever you go, this is it, as well as being fully custom built, they are exceptional in sound and build quality, if you want something this good, this price is justified.
DW have really pushed the boundaries of quality drums here, they have created drums that just leave others looking and sounding terrible, looking dazzling under stage lighting and sounding almost unreal for their perfection these drums certainly earn their reputation. coming straight from the collectors range, these are part of the DW flagship, beautiful, elegant, and sounding amazing, these drums truly are a drummers dream, they have earnt a 5/5 rating from me.
Next week... THE BEST BUDGET GEAR.
By GMA's Gibraltar correspondent Nathan Colombo
Recently Gibraltar has been on the end of a beating stick by what could be described as “Un-European” at the hands of Spain. Massive border queues spanning for hours and hours have been brought into effect by the Spanish government at the border of Gibraltar and the Spanish town of La Linea De La Concepción.
Unlike what many Spaniards have been saying, these border queues have affected not only Gibraltarians but Spaniards also. With queues lasting up to FOUR HOURS (and more at a time) it makes it almost impossible for Spaniards who work in Gibraltar to get to work (or vice versa). Now sometimes the queues are not as bad in the morning, but they get rather bad during the evenings, usually around the time people are leaving work to go home, and you may have guessed this also affect their citizens also.
You could imagine those poor workers who have finished a hard day’s work and are now forced to sit in a border queue for hours on end just to get home to their families. One problem that has been created because of these border queues is its effect on the local music scenes of both Gibraltar and Spain. It would seem that some Spanish bands have been put off from wanting to play in Gibraltar, not for political reasons but because of the massive border queues and I see their problem.
Imagine having to play a gig on a Friday in a town only around I don’t know 45 minutes away (that would most likely be around the town of Estepona) but having to be in a queue for around four hours just to get into Gibraltar and then there the whole hassle of setting up, doing the sound check, etc (which can be a while if it’s your first time at a new venue and you are not using your own set up), only to then after your gig go back at whatever time it finishes and you and your band decides to go home only to go into another massive queue just to get home? Now I know what a lot of you guys are thinking...“Go early then?” and I get it bands will always try to find a way but in some cases they can’t.
These are normally underground bands / musicians, which means they do not make a living from their music... most of them have day jobs. When they finish their usual 9-5 routine they would make their way down to Gibraltar and do what they do best. In these cases I see how these bands may suffer and it’s not only them who are suffering. Local bands are suffering also with all that is happening as they are going through the EXACT same thing with the only difference being that instead of them having hassle to play in Gibraltar the hassle is going into Spain. On a lighter note, some locals have seen this in a positive light as now they believe local musicians have their “time to shine”. With more dates open in venues they believe local musicians can now play as much as they want as get some decent exposure.
Now not to s**t on your parade here but you're wrong! In some sense you're right considering locals can get out there locally but that is the problem it’s only locally. Gibraltar is small and a band can only do so much in such a small area and having Spain right next to us helps these local musicians get more exposure and grow a bigger fan base which is what musicians want! These musicians are amazingly competent and work hard to do what they do. They want to grow and play different venues it is only natural. Do you want to see them same bands over and over the same week? NO you don’t! The same thing goes for the bands.... They want to see different crowds, see different places. No musician can really be happy playing the same one or two venues for years and years and it is understandable.
I really hope these border issues can be resolved soon and the musician scenes in both Gibraltar and Spain can continue to work together in these increasingly difficult times.
© 2011-2017 Global Metal Apocalypse
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